Part 1: What we get wrong about failure as entrepreneurs

 

Part 2: Not Letting Perfectionism and Procrastination Stop You

Part 3: How to Stop Sabotaging Your Progress

 

 

LISTEN TO NEXT: Mind Games

 

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MORE ABOUT THIS BUSINESS MINDSET PODCAST EPISODE

 

“What happens when I rest is I become more rejuvenated, which brings back more creative energy… you just don’t let your iPhone run on empty, why do it to yourself?” – Charlotte Grimmel

 

 

Connect with Charlotte Grimmel: 
Website
Instagram: @themindfriend

 

 

• How can I reframe failure so it doesn’t hurt so badly?
• What actionable steps can help overcome the fear of failure and judgment in my business?
• What are the common success blockers entrepreneurs face, and how can I tackle them?
• How can I spot and address self-sabotaging habits that keep me from reaching my full potential?
• What practical mindset shifts can I make to break free from burnout and rediscover motivation?

 

Have you ever felt like you’re stuck in a loop—overcoming one setback only to face another? Do you wonder why every time you push forward, something holds you back? If you’ve ever asked yourself these questions, you’re not alone. Welcome to a sneak peek into our Mindset Spark Series—a journey designed to help you shift from constant burnout to lasting entrepreneurial resilience.

In this series, we dive into powerful insights with the ever-inspiring Charlotte Grimmel (aka themindfried), who shares her hard-won wisdom on reframing failure, managing energy, and ultimately unlocking your true potential. Today, we’re exploring the big ideas that can help you break free from the chains of fear, self-sabotage, and burnout, so you can finally unleash the unstoppable entrepreneur within.

 

Reframing Failure: Turning Setbacks into Stepping Stones

It’s no secret that the fear of failure can be paralyzing. For many entrepreneurs, the idea of failing is enough to stop them in their tracks. But what if failure wasn’t the end—what if it was just another step on your path to success? As Charlotte puts it,

“I think that you are probably already a step ahead if you’re addressing fear of failure versus just the experience of failure… it’s all about how we define failure in the first place.”

Instead of viewing a setback as a sign that you’re not cut out for the entrepreneurial journey, consider it a chance to learn and evolve. When you start to see failure not as a defeat but as a valuable lesson, you unlock the potential to grow stronger and smarter with every misstep. This shift in perspective is the first step toward a more resilient, confident mindset that embraces the learning process—even when the going gets tough.

 

Performance Goals: Prioritizing Mastery Over Perfection as a Business Owner

How many times have you set a big, ambitious goal only to feel crushed when things don’t go exactly as planned? It’s all too common to tie our self-worth to a single outcome—like hitting a six-figure target on your first try. Charlotte offers a refreshing take on this:

“I think the biggest recommendation I can make to people is to prioritize mastery over like an external achievement. So meaning set a performance goal and not an outcome goal.”

Imagine focusing not on whether you hit a specific number, but on improving a particular skill or refining a process. When you prioritize mastery, every small win becomes a building block toward larger success. This approach takes the pressure off needing to achieve perfection right out of the gate. Instead, you’re free to experiment, iterate, and ultimately develop the expertise needed to elevate your business—and your mindset—over time.

 

Energy Management for Entrepreneurs

Ever feel like you’re running on empty even when you’re busy? The entrepreneurial grind can be relentless, and it’s easy to fall into the trap of endless work that leaves you depleted. Yet, the secret to sustained creativity and productivity lies in managing your energy, not just your time. As Charlotte wisely notes,

“What happens when I rest is I become more rejuvenated, which brings back more creative energy… you just don’t let your iPhone run on empty.”

Think about your energy like your phone’s battery—if you don’t recharge, you’re not going to get much done. It’s essential to build moments of rest and rejuvenation into your daily routine. Whether that means taking a walk, reading something inspiring, or simply stepping away from the screen for a few minutes, these small breaks can refuel your spirit and keep you moving forward with renewed vigor. By balancing your day-to-day tasks with activities that recharge you, you’ll maintain a more sustainable pace, even during the busiest periods.

 

Uncovering Success Blockers: Tackling Self-Sabotage and Perfectionism

One of the toughest parts of entrepreneurship is confronting the internal barriers that keep you from progressing. Often, these blockers come in the form of self-sabotage—those pesky habits like overthinking or letting perfectionism hold you hostage. Remember, it’s not about being flawless; it’s about making progress. Charlotte sums it up perfectly when she shares her simple yet effective mindset tweak:

“I love the idea of just practicing adding a ‘yet’ at the end of the sentence when something isn’t going well—it really helps sprinkle that growth perspective back in.”

That little word—“yet”—can be a game changer. It reminds you that just because something isn’t working now doesn’t mean it never will. Embracing this mindset encourages you to keep pushing, to try again and again, until you find what works. It’s a reminder that success is a journey, and each stumble along the way is simply a part of your evolving story. By identifying and addressing these hidden success blockers, you can start to dismantle the mental barriers that stand in your way, turning self-doubt into an opportunity for self-improvement.

 

Building Self-Trust and Evolving Your Entrepreneurial Identity

At the heart of all these challenges is the need to build stronger self-trust. Every entrepreneur’s journey is filled with moments of uncertainty, but it’s through overcoming these moments that you truly grow. Charlotte’s journey is a testament to this evolution:

“What you see me doing now isn’t how I started—I evolved over time, and you can do the same. That evolution is what makes it beautiful.”

Your entrepreneurial identity isn’t fixed—it’s something you build with every challenge you overcome. When you learn to trust yourself and recognize that every setback is a stepping stone to improvement, you set the stage for a more resilient, authentic, and powerful version of yourself. It’s about celebrating the small victories and understanding that every experience, no matter how tough, contributes to the unique entrepreneur you are today.

 

Wrapping It Up – Growth Mindset For Entrepreneurs

If you’re feeling overwhelmed by setbacks or struggling to find your spark, remember that every challenge is an opportunity in disguise. The Mindset Spark Series offers a fresh perspective on how to approach failure, set performance goals, manage your energy, and tackle those pesky success blockers. Charlotte Grimmel’s insights remind us that true success isn’t about flawless achievements—it’s about the journey, the growth, and the continuous evolution of your entrepreneurial spirit.

Ready to dive deeper? Tune in to the full interview and let these transformative insights guide you to a place of renewed energy and unwavering self-trust. Your journey to a more resilient, empowered, and vibrant business mindset starts now. Enjoy the ride!

 

 

 

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FULL TRANSCRIPT WITH CHARLOTTE GRIMMEL, THE MIND FRIEND BELOW:

 

Chardet Ryel (00:00)
Welcome back to her first three years. Charlotte, you had an amazing first episode with us. Lots of people still downloading that. I’m going link it in the show notes. So thank you for coming back for this series because we’re going to go deeper today.

Charlotte (00:14)
Yay! It’s such pleasure to be back! I’m so excited!

Chardet Ryel (00:18)
And we were chatting beforehand that it’s an interesting thing because we had intended to do this series, you know, a month, maybe five, six weeks ago, because I really wanted to start in January. How can we help people with mindset? How can we help them go forward? You’re amazing at that. But we were saying that actually now we’re getting into February, March. think people need it more, right? This is stuff you see every day where people are struggling.

Charlotte (00:43)
For sure, think it’s a very common pattern that we see with almost anything that people want to do is like there’s a fresh wind and a new start energy at the start of the year and then it kind of like tapers off four to six weeks in, which is pretty much where we are now as we’re recording this at least. So yeah, I think it’s a really good time for people to maybe start thinking about mindset a little bit more.

Chardet Ryel (01:05)
And this is some of the big topics we’ll go in through. So we’ll go through a lot of areas that you work with people in, a lot of areas you talk about on your Instagram, super helpful, recommend people go there as well after this. I want to start with, think one of the biggest difficulties people have as entrepreneurs, as creators, as people thinking about getting into that is this fear of failure. And I think right now we are really in it because people are probably seeing

these great ideas they had, these great intentions are maybe not panning out. So if you can speak a little bit about how we’re addressing maybe fear of failure that is keeping us stuck in kind of a loop in a cycle.

Charlotte (01:49)
I think that you are probably already a step ahead if you’re addressing fear of failure versus just the experience of failure, right? So I think I’m going to actually try and separate that a little bit because the experience of failure in and of itself, right, is often guided by what our definition of failure is. So if I have this broad vision of like, it’s gonna, you know, I’m going to launch something and it’s going to go amazing and, know, I’m going to make whatever six figures right then and there, whatever it is. If I set the standard so high, I can pretty much only fail. And then that’s more of

addressing the concept of failure and like the what do I understand needs to happen or happens before I consider something a failure. So that’s that one piece. The other piece is like the fear of failure, right? And that’s very much distinguishing them between a failure, however it’s defined. And what I make that failure mean about me, that is the fear of failure. Like failure itself is not a scary thing. Like it’s we all understand that that’s part of life. Like many people will say, yeah, I know, I know, I know.

But the issue is the connection that we have made to our sense of self-worth, our, what does this mean about me? We all understand the kid who learns to walk needs to fall, and we don’t make it mean anything about the kid if they fall, right? But we make it mean a lot about ourselves when we trip or fall or whatever it is on these journeys that we take, especially as entrepreneurs, because there’s often not a, like, the guideposts are a lot more loose. Like if I’m entering a, let’s say, societally,

common path, like let’s say I enter a nine to five and I go the corporate ladder and I go, go, And it’s quite predefined what that looks like and what success will look like and what my next step should be, et cetera, et cetera. Then I have a lot more guideposts who are like, am I doing well on this? Whereas in entrepreneurship, we just open, like we blow that out and we go like really anything. And then we set these arbitrary things around like, you know, maybe six figures is the goal or seven figures is the goal or whatever. It’s like often based on monetary standards.

But the guideposts along the path to that are very loose. And so we don’t have that same feedback. And so there’s so much more room to consider something a failure when it’s probably just that stumbling and falling that the kid does as well.

Chardet Ryel (04:00)
love that you distinguish a bit. So I want to go into this to more like the experience of failure versus the fear of it. And I think too, when you were describing the guideposts, I had this visual of, know, like you’re on the beach. I’m in the beach right now. Sorry, guys.

And you have all these guideposts like you were saying in a normal job and you never expect to go from guidepost one entry-level job to managing director and you don’t compare you’re going for an interview and not getting that position as a failure because you understand like there are points before that but you do as an entrepreneur start out new or launch something new and say okay this is my new product I want a six-figure

first cycle return and if I don’t get that, then I have failed. And that’s such an interesting thing that you brought up because it’s true, we do not as entrepreneurs accept baby steps. We don’t allow that.

Charlotte (05:00)
Yeah, and it’s, they’re also like, it’s often genuinely also, I think, a problem of

not getting that feedback from people around us. Like I think from what I hear from entrepreneurs, it is often a lonelier journey than the corporate world journey or meaning you maybe need to be more intentional about, you know, creating that network of people who think in similar ways and who creating in similar ways. But when I’m in a nine to five, I have that feedback constantly from my coworkers and peers and my other friends who are nine to fives and taking those next steps. And as an entrepreneur, I don’t have any of that. So it’s like so hard to gauge. Am I on the right path?

which is so important because we can accept the failure sort of, I didn’t get the promotion this time around, but I know exactly what I need to do to get it next time around. And that’s the right stuff that we don’t get really as much in entrepreneurship. And we see all these blown out of proportion, you know, success stories, overnight success stories, especially online. And then we go, well, clearly I’m a failure because my launch didn’t go that way. And we forget that that person also had probably 10 launches before they had this launch or whatever, right? That’s like, yeah.

Chardet Ryel (06:05)
This is, I love that you said that too, because I’ve seen first the point about the entrepreneurs. I think you need to find your people. You cannot do this alone. You need to find people. It just doesn’t work to be solo. Most of your friends and your family will think you’re mad. So you really need someone who thinks like you. But I was also thinking about, I have a really good friend who’s super successful entrepreneur. And she has this one course, which does phenomenally well, but she’s made

Charlotte (06:21)
Hahaha

Chardet Ryel (06:34)
quite literally has made 30 different courses in 10 years. And the majority of those did not do well, but no one is hearing about it. You know, she talks about it a little bit, but most people at FaceValue will see that one course and think, wow, you did so well with this. And they don’t see the 30 other ones. Do you feel like, is there some way that we can kind of give ourselves some compassion markers, you know, or like some little ways to map out?

our own journey for something new. So it doesn’t feel so end of the world when you do fail.

Charlotte (07:12)
I think that’s so dependent, right? It’s difficult for me to say now because I think it would so depend on what that journey is. Like, let’s take the course example. I think we could easily say, well, if your goal is to have such a successful course, you know, the part that they don’t tell you, but that is very much a part of that map, let’s say is the 30 courses that didn’t do so well, where you hone your craft in creating the course and the curriculum and in marketing it and selling it and whatever it is, right? Like that is how you get to the really great course the same way that you

get to the promotion by probably taking on projects that like completely challenge you and you don’t know what you’re doing and you feel like you’re completely over your head and you know, all these things, they need to happen. But I do think that like, I like to always think in like, what are the levels here? So basically, if I say my goal is to have a one course that makes me six figures a year or whatever it is, right? Like, I need to think about what are the levels that are going to get me there? Like that’s like, like if we’re playing a game, that’s level 10. Like then I’m like…

I’ve done it, right? What’s level one look like? And maybe that is like, I’m going to launch a first course that costs, I don’t know, $17. And I’m just going to see who buys it at like a low price point or whatever it is. the only goal for me is to learn how to create a course, to learn the tech behind it, to learn how to present, to learn whatever aspect of that it is. That might be level one. Level two might be, I actually want to make some money from this. Level three might be, you

an amount of money I want to make or an impact I want to have or the amount of people I want to reach or whatever it is, but I can break this down rather than just looking at this one, like that’s what I want to do. I need to come back and say, what is the, what are the levels of success that I celebrate? Again, if you’re in a game, you’re like, made it through this level, right? Like even if you don’t make it at the first attempt, eventually you go like, yeah, I made it to the next level. They have to bring that same joy and feeling of success. Even if you don’t make it in the first go, the second go, whatever, but you’re like,

that’s my next benchmark. And it’s an important process to map that out for yourself or in, you know, again, with your entrepreneur friends or with someone who has walked it as well with the coach to break that down. Because the biggest mistake we make is just this overestimation of what we can do in a short span of time. And the underestimation of like, it’s entirely possible for you to do this in the next year or two, but we need to come back and break it down because otherwise you’re going to like just mess with yourself mentally.

Chardet Ryel (09:28)
This is where I feel like, and I don’t know if you agree with this, but I feel like it’s part, I’m sure you will. I feel like there’s this distortion around us in this business world that perpetuates that idea because you do see some people who come out of the gate achieving what you wanted. They get to level 10 and sometimes, I mean, the one that hurts the most is when they actually have less experience than you and they get to level 10 first.

Charlotte (09:35)
You

Chardet Ryel (09:58)
But then at the same time, feel like it’s, you know, I don’t know, 1 % of the people who manage that, but it’s inflated because of course, everyone who’s a coach wants to share their best examples and people want to talk about their successes. They don’t want to talk about the 40 failures or level one or figuring out how to run a course because it’s not as sexy. How does the distortion kind of feed into our view of what we think is the right level of success?

Charlotte (10:05)
you

Okay.

I mean, I think hugely so, right? Social media, by and large, does that where we compare somebody else’s highlight reel to our own just regular life and we only get the experience of what they are presenting and not what goes on behind the scenes, right? Like everyone who’s like an overnight success, nine out of 10 times, sure, there’s the lucky ones, let’s say, like the ones that are such talent or whatever it is. the same with like this sports people and there’s musicians who are like out of this world and they just have whatever gift that, you know,

one out of how many million people gets. But for most people, it’s even an overnight success is like there was a lot of failures, they just weren’t so loud or a lot of steps on the way that just weren’t so loud. And the overnight failure all of a sudden is loud. But when you go into these things, you’re like, oh, actually, you know, this person was working at this for years before they came to this overnight success. And maybe in different ways, like if someone was, let’s say, launched a course that was amazing.

Maybe they worked in marketing and sales their entire careers. And so they’ve completely honed that skill of marketing and selling, or someone who did really well, maybe they were a teacher before. And so they have a down pat on how to create a great curriculum, whatever it is, right? Like we look at them and we’re like, they’re new in this business world. And they just nailed it out of the park and we completely neglect anything else that they did. And so it’s just this important reminder, again, with anything in social media, but especially also with these considerations of failure and these inflated claims that we see a lot.

in the business world, especially online, just this reminder of like every overnight success was just grafting silently in the dark. You know, it’s like, we need to remember that. And it’s honestly like a lot of the big names we think of in entrepreneurial, know, like Jeff Bezos was working quietly, Steve Jobs was working quietly, like all these things, these absolute idols and icons we see, it’s like they didn’t just come out of nowhere either. And they kept going. And that is the difference. They didn’t make it mean.

when they were failing, let’s say in sort of quotation marks here, because what does that even mean? But when they were failing, they didn’t make it mean that they were not qualified or talented enough or whatever made out to be an entrepreneur. They made it mean, what can I learn from that? What can I adjust? And let me go again.

Chardet Ryel (12:49)
The meaning is so this right now, I hope that people hear it. Because this, even for me, I know this, but every time I hear it or I see one your post, it’s a little shock reminder about it that what is the meaning you’re attaching to the failure? Because I was thinking about how the entrepreneurs that do the best that I see, like that really keep going forward. And this is something that I did not have. And I’m really trying is this game mindset that you were talking about of

Charlotte (12:58)
I’m

Mm hmm.

Chardet Ryel (13:19)
well, this didn’t

work. Like, let me play with this about the launch or this didn’t work. Let me play with this about the audience. Let me keep playing. And they love the game of entrepreneurship. They’re not in it because of what it gives them or the awards or whatever. They’re in it because like they enjoy that whole process and that has never been me. So I feel for the people who are really struggling because it’s hard when that is not naturally how you feel. Like you don’t gravitate towards the game of entrepreneurship, but

Charlotte (13:39)
And.

Chardet Ryel (13:48)
I feel like you almost have to do that because otherwise the other side of that is what you’re saying of attaching so much meaning to it when you fail and that this is the end of the road rather than this is just like a branch. You need to go to the next one.

Charlotte (14:04)
Yeah, thank you for sharing that. think that’s super helpful for people to hear. And I think that you kind of naturally leading into bit of, know, call it the game of entrepreneurship, but really what you were referring to here is, you know, that growth mindset that is we often we have spoken about, I often speak to you and it’s just these it’s this whole idea that

with effort and attention and intention and continuous learning, I will improve and I will improve whatever I create in that way too as an entrepreneur, right? But I will also say like to you and anyone else who feels that way that as you do, it’s like most of us aren’t raised that way. Like societally we are raised to believe there’s a right and there’s a wrong way to do something and there’s an A plus and an F. And so sure there’s things in between, kind of like we’re not necessarily depending obviously on.

your social conditioning and your exposure and your family and whatever, like large parts of our society do not exactly condition us to be like, I tripped, let me see what I can learn from that. They condition us much more to that fixed mindset. And so it’s very, very common and very normal to feel this way. And what I also want to say on top of that is it’s also very possible to retrain yourself into more of that growth mindset. And the more you do it, the stronger that becomes. then

you know, you I might be sitting together in 10 years time and be like, actually now that just happens to me naturally. Where you’re like, actually now and that, you know, when something doesn’t go my way, I think, huh, how else can I try this? And you kind of bring that gaminess and that playfulness in it because you’ve just practiced it so much more by then.

Chardet Ryel (15:42)
This is where maybe we can go into, because you’ve naturally led us into this direction, which I love, into the growth mindset aspect and talking about that and kind of first, because I think this has been around enough that people know like Carol Dweck and they’ve read a little bit of that stuff and they understand, but in the entrepreneurship context, maybe really highlighting an example of, let’s say a launch.

how you go in with a growth mindset versus a fixed mindset because you’re completely right that those of us who grew up trying to get A’s and that’s the value of success and we don’t get it, that is you didn’t win and you’re not going to. So I think maybe if you can iterate how that looks, the difference, and then any sort of strategies or shifts that people can start to make more in that direction, specifically in the context of business.

Charlotte (16:22)
And.

I mean, I love that you say specifically in the context of business, but I genuinely feel the beautiful thing about this is it’s actually the same in any context. But I think the key things I would let’s say you’d had a big launch or something coming up. And I think that the biggest recommendation I can make to people is to prioritize mastery over like an external achievement. So meaning set a performance goal and not an outcome goal. So instead of I want to make

X amount of money on this launch, which obviously is a goal you can set, but like, don’t have that be the only goal. Like I understand we’re running businesses, we want to make an income, we want to make money, but also think about what is it that you want to improve on and master as you do this. And that could be, I want to get better at, you know, creating my stories that kind of guide people to the, like that become like the sales approach stories, the content around it. It could be my presentation skills as I’m creating this course. It could be, right.

There’s so many elements among that. so as long as I can at least create a separate goal that is fully within my control, that is at least as important as the, has a business purpose and thus I’m gunning for a certain, you know, income goal, whatever it is. I want there to be something else that is not dependent on, you know, whether people are going to respond to this, whether people are going to buy, it’s just me. It’s like, I have that in my full control.

And that immediately leads you into something that is a bit more growth minded because you’re taking that experience not only as a, need to make X amount of money, but also as a, want to improve a certain skill I have. I want to learn how to do a certain thing. Like that’s inbuilt into this sort of performance goal versus an outcome goal. So that’s sorry, mastery goal. mean, in terms of outcome goal. like, how can I get better at this? Because that’s also like such a…

that experience in and of itself, I think many people can relate to is like when you reach the goal is not actually usually the pinnacle of like amazing. The pinnacle of amazing is making progress towards the goal. That’s actually where the reward comes from, where the fulfillment of goals comes from. It’s when I notice I’m moving towards it. Many people have this experience, right? They reach it and then they’re like, okay, that wasn’t as great as I thought. Because it’s the progress towards it that is actually motivating. So that would be number one set.

at least a co-goal that is completely in your control, that is just about your own mastery, because it’s inbuilt there. The other thing, as much as we already talked about failure, is just this like, saying your brain to see challenges as opportunities. Like every single time something isn’t working, attach the, I think we’ve also heard that yet, but like attach the yet, sort of, I can’t do this yet, this hasn’t worked yet. It’s like a very simple hack to remind yourself of.

switching back into the growth mindedness. And so let’s say, I know, I think that it’s going to go a certain way when I first post about this launch and it doesn’t go that way. So then instead of going, this didn’t work yet. And again, it reminds me that I can still look for these opportunities in that. That’s probably another really quick win. then in terms of growth mindset into

Yeah, it’s a big, again, it’s such a big concept. But I think the other really important thing I always think is to think about strength based work. So because again, strengths naturally lead to a more productive way of working, typically a more like flow kind of working, which is maybe a bit more conducive to the kind of thinking where like, I can get better at this because I’m using something that I’m inherently maybe more lenient leaning towards. So that’s maybe another thing of like, think about

what am I naturally drawn towards? Not good at, this is important, because I could be getting A’s in school and thus I think I’m good at chemistry, but like, do I enjoy chemistry? Does it energize me? Do I get anything from that, right? Like it’s not a strength unless it energizes me. But if I work in that way, I typically then also, again, have more energy to give and have more resilience to give because I’m working from those strengths. That makes sense.

Chardet Ryel (20:51)
Yeah, let me make sure.

Charlotte (20:52)
So those are maybe three

not so heard of yet ways. I was trying to be like, not just a regular standard Carol direct tips, but like those three, think are, yeah, some that I would suggest to anyone.

Chardet Ryel (21:05)
These were very helpful because I they’re actionable and they’re not just sometimes the mindset stuff as you know, because this is your field. can feel very elusive and flowery and you’re kind of thinking, yeah, this sounds good, but what does that mean on a day to day basis? So I like the idea of performance goals, not just outcome goals because

Charlotte (21:22)
Anyway.

Chardet Ryel (21:28)
It is true. Like anytime you’re with one of the big business coaches, a lot of times they’ll say, okay, I want you to figure out your financial goal for this product or this launch. And I want you to 10 times it. And you get so excited. You’re like, yeah, I’m going to do this. And then if that doesn’t happen, which it probably won’t because you know, you’re just learning this first time you don’t have the backup goal.

Charlotte (21:38)
Yep.

Chardet Ryel (21:50)
the performance goal like you were saying of, I’m going to learn this course or maybe like this next time I’m going to break even or I’m going to get my first higher ticket person. Like every time, I guess those are still outcomes. So maybe more performance of what you were saying

of like, what am I learning? And the mastery of it, which you were saying. And then the yet, I love that. I’m going to use that all the time, not just for business, but like personal life too.

Charlotte (22:07)
Yeah. Yeah. That’s

what I saying, right? It’s really like as much as we can speak about a specific two business, you can carry that with you anywhere. And the yet is honestly, I probably think the simplest way of like, let me just practice adding a yet to the end of this sentence. When I think about, you know, something not going well or whatever, and it can

genuinely, just really sprinkle that perspective back in very quickly.

Chardet Ryel (22:42)
And then what was the last one you said? Cause there was one more. was the… Yeah.

Charlotte (22:46)
The strength based approach. meaning that,

right? Like, and again, I think it’s so important when we think about strengths, people often think what I’m good at, meaning what did I get the A’s in? What does my boss comment on or like whatever it is? But I mean, what energizes you and what, you know, you’re drawn towards what like, fulfilled you that usually is also something that you’re good at. But I’m just saying like, they are often also like things that we have learned to be good at, but they actually drain us. That’s not a strength. We want a strength. There’s something that

I’m good at, but also it energizes me and it fills my cup, my battery, whatever you want to call it. And I just think that if I approach work, this launch, whatever I’m planning, right? If I approach it from that, and I’m very intentional with designing it around that, I have more of a reserve, meaning

The launch doesn’t go like that. And I’m not just like already drained because I’ve been doing all these things that aren’t conducive to what I’m good at. But I have more to still give into it and I have more to. Yeah, more resilience in that way, really. Does that make sense?

Chardet Ryel (23:55)
It’s

completely, no, it’s really interesting too, because it goes back to what you were saying earlier, where it’s just not the way that we’ve been conditioned to think. Because just as you go for the A and that means you won and you try to avoid the F, also kind of, you think that if I’m good at something, doesn’t really, good at means I’m efficient. I can do this well. And you don’t think about, does it…

Charlotte (24:19)
in

Chardet Ryel (24:23)
matter that I really actually enjoy it or that it drains me or not. Are there, can you give examples? Because I just think it’s interesting always hearing from the person that’s already the master. What would you say is something that, and it doesn’t need to be current, it could be in the past, something that you felt you were a proficient at, but drained you and something you are good at that’s strength-based just to really give it concrete example.

Charlotte (24:36)
Yeah.

Absolutely,

I can give you one right off the bat. So something I’m really good at, but that drains me is organizing. And I mean this in all kinds of ways, whether in my business or like, I’m also like, you I can organize a party or whatever, but like, I’m like, ugh, the coordination and the like, having things line up and the planning it out and that it’s, I can do it. I’ve learned how to do it over the course of, you know, a standard, I guess, education in the Western world where I’m from. But like,

It drains me. think I find it difficult. It takes me longer than somebody who might be leaning more towards that. And so I try and outsource those things now, whether it’s to my friends who might organize the party instead or to someone else in my business. So I don’t have to do those things versus something that I’m… Maybe this is like we’re talking right now, but I can… Talking to people as much as that’s a broad thing energizes me. So I…

Some people are like, what do mean? You just listen to someone so attentively for like an hour, an hour and a half when you’re coaching them. I’m just like, yeah, I get a lot out of that. I walk out of it and I have like a bounce in my step and I know that I just gained from that. And that is maybe like as much as that’s painting a bigger contrast. And it doesn’t have to be that every time you walk away from work and you’re like, oh my gosh, that was the best thing ever, right? But like.

That’s kind of what you’re going for, like paying attention. And this is often a process for a lot of people because they haven’t learned to think about it this way, right? Again, they have learned to be like, I got the A at these things, I was told I was good at these things, and so these are the things. But to just simply pay attention actually to like, I’m doing a number of things and like, when do I feel like I actually just recharged or I just gained energy and I just have more to give versus I feel drained, drained, drained, drained, drained. Those are different things and I could be on paper good at both.

but they are not both my strengths. And that’s an important difference that a lot of people miss when they, yeah, I mean, a lot of people in the corporate world also miss, right? Because they’re good at something, they deliver the outcome, but they come home and they’re like, I have nothing left to give. I’m just drained.

Chardet Ryel (27:02)
Is there kind of any sort of way to manage that? Because some of the stuff you’re good at or that you’re proficient at, like you were saying, it’s a great example organization. You’re Swiss, right Charlotte?

Charlotte (27:15)
I’m very efficient

and I’m very organized.

Chardet Ryel (27:25)
Because

as I was saying, that makes sense. But do you feel like the organization thing is great? Because for some people that is energizing and for you, you’re proficient, but it’s not your area of like love and deep energy. Some of the stuff you still have to do though, right? You need to have a level of organization in your business, in your life. Are there any ways to like…

Charlotte (27:31)
Hahaha!

See you next time.

Chardet Ryel (27:54)
minimize the emotional drain that that has. Because I think also what’s really hard is when you’re proficient at it, even though you don’t like it, it’s so hard to delegate it. It’s so hard because you think, well, I still do it better than anyone else.

Charlotte (28:10)
Then I would say that’s a whole learning journey in and of itself, right? Where again, like a lot of entrepreneurs, once they hit a income level or whatever it is, where it comes into like, I’m not working in the business so much though, like I actually don’t have much life left. And so then it comes to a point where they need to be delegating and then they’re like, oh, but I just do it better. And so like, then it’s actually, well, like, let’s reframe that as an opportunity to

Chardet Ryel (28:12)
So, hello.

Charlotte (28:35)
teach someone to guide someone to invest into how to like, you know, have someone else become so proficient at it, that it’s your way and that it’s to your standard because of course it should be to your standard. This is your business after all. But where you that’s also a you just dragging that out for longer if you’re like, oh, it’s just so hard to delegate. So sorry for calling you out for that. But I’m like, mmm, that one I’m not gonna let stand. But wait, now I forgot what your original question was around the go go so distracted by that so difficult to delegate.

Chardet Ryel (29:05)
it’s a constant learning lesson for that. It’s, the question was when you still need to do aspects of it. So let’s say you’re able to train someone and you’re able to sit in there doing mostly for you, but you still have an element in the business of it. How do you reduce the emotional drain? Delegating of course is a, is a natural way to do that and training someone else using AI, using different tools that can help you. Are there other ways?

Charlotte (29:12)
Got you.

Chardet Ryel (29:33)
just in terms of, I don’t know, like mindset maintenance or inputs, the inputs that you can choose that will give you more energy to kind of counterbalance the drain there.

Charlotte (29:46)
I actually think that, yes, absolutely. I just think they’re actually less complicated than you think. Meaning, once you have a bit of an awareness, once you’ve maybe audited your strengths in this way, and you can do strengths assessment, right? There’s so many ways that we don’t have to dive into now, but like this, I have grown an awareness of what are the types of things that energize me versus the types of things that drain me. And so then the sort of the balance is in…

making sure that ratio is always sort of like pro the parts that energize me, right? Like I am a realist in the sense that like there is no world where you’re going to wake up happy and every day is just dandy all the time. Because again, as much as the sun doesn’t shine every single day without rain or thunder or whatever it is, our emotional worlds are the same. So the goal isn’t for you to do only things that are strength aligned and that fill your cup and you

you know, dance around the world all the time. The goal is to shift that balance towards that. And that is basically, to answer your question, the approach you might take as in like, I know there are certain things because I’m not in a position to delegate, or there are just certain things that I still need to keep doing, whatever it is, I know there are things. These are the things that fall into more of the bucket of like, these are maybe even things I’m proficient at, or things I still need to learn, but they don’t fill my cup. Great.

How can I now put this on an actual scale and always make sure the scale tips into being heavier on the side of things that do energize me? And you know, traditionally people think about this as work life balance, right? Where work is the drain and life is what fills you back up kind of like. And I think that’s a bit outdated really, because when we, especially when you’re an entrepreneur, hopefully part of the reason that you do that is because it allows you to design your work in a different way.

and allows you to do things that are more aligned with your interests and your passions and the impact you want to have, et cetera. So hopefully it shouldn’t be all of work is the drain. But of course there are pieces within the work that are going to be draining and more challenging. And again, I’m not of the realm of like, you know, like if you love your work, you, what is it? If you love what you do, you’ll never work for a day in your life or something like that. I’m not of that reality, but I do think that it’s very possible and very fulfilling.

to shift that balance towards the strengths. And so in a very natural way, once you have the awareness, you can be like, okay, I have this like whatever admin block or organizational block that I just have to do because it has to be under my control, whatever the reason is. Okay, let me make sure that on that day where I have to do that, I have at least equal amount of time or equal amount of energy to give to something that’s going to do the opposite in terms of my energy.

And again, traditionally that would be a hobby or that would be life, but you can do the same in your business. You can say, my gosh, these are the things I enjoy much more that like, you know, I don’t know, I create a piece of content and I think it’s the greatest thing ever. And I can get lost in that and whatever it is. Okay, great. Then build some of that into that day so that the whole day can still end at a net positive.

Chardet Ryel (32:57)
I really appreciate that because it’s kind of something where you hear it and you think, this makes sense. If I have more uplifting things and things I enjoy that give me energy than that don’t. And also like we control our work, as you said, so there’s no reason why that draining task can’t go across a couple of days and you bring in more stuff. I used to…

because you were talking about work-life balance comparison. when I was a fitness coach, we would do this where in the calendar we would have color coding and it would be like light purple was revitalizing and that was your yoga or your meditation sessions or you’re having a meal with family and you would code that into your day and then work would, you lot of people chose red and work and you would just kind of see like how visually, how does that look? But I can also see it.

Charlotte (33:28)
Okay.

Chardet Ryel (33:50)
in your work itself when you’re an entrepreneur, how does that look? So the draining task are different color. I mean, I already do this. Like for me, copywriting is yellow. It’s not something I like. And creating

Charlotte (34:03)
You

Chardet Ryel (34:05)
is bright blue. But I think that that’s a really helpful piece of advice because every day is different in terms of what you have to do, but you can control the ratio.

of what you’re doing within that day.

Charlotte (34:22)
Yeah, it’s so true, right? Like, I mean, as entrepreneurs, it is often that that whole idea of like, how many hats we wear, right? We wear, we’re the copywriter and the marketer and the creative and the whatever producer, we’re all the things. And while that’s often also the exciting piece about it, because you get to

do all these different things and experience all these different things. If I have too many hats that day that are draining or that week, you know, again, choose your timeline. It doesn’t have to be like perfectly balanced out every single day. there’s, again, sometimes people take me like word for word and I’m like, no, the concept behind it is the ratio. That’s what we’re aiming for. And whether you measure that on the daily or on the weekly doesn’t matter to me. But to just become more aware of like, this is another input I have. It’s not just my time. It’s also.

what I do in that time and how that energizes me because often you’ll also find, I do maybe more strengths aligned thing and I walk out of that and I have more inspiration and more creative energy and more things to give to whatever comes next. And that’s important for me to be mindful of in order to improve, you know, my work experience, but also my work output.

Chardet Ryel (35:36)
It’s such a, that’s a really big mindset shift, isn’t it? That in order to gain more energy, you might technically be doing less of whatever the task was that was felt urgent or was priority or that’s draining, but you actually can go to it with more energy if you are able to. It’s the whole thing of like waking up early versus quality of sleep. Like you can do both, right? But.

Charlotte (35:55)
No.

Chardet Ryel (36:03)
if you’re waking up at 6 a.m. but you have three hours of sleep, are you really getting done more in the day? And I think that that’s such a big shift. So thank you for sharing that one because it’s another one that kind of sparks a little bit.

Charlotte (36:18)
I’m going to add to that one because it just came up to me as you were saying that it’s the same of like the slow down to speed up as in rest because after that you actually speed up and you know, same, we were talking earlier about people maybe feeling burnt out as we’re now almost three months or into the three months of the new year of like this go go go energy where I feel like if I rest, I’m going to stall.

But really what happens when I rest, and again, this is on the daily, on the weekly, No matter what timeframe. What happens when I rest is actually I become more rejuvenated, which brings back more creative energy, which brings back more thing I can give more, whether you call it the cup that’s full, whatever it is, battery, it doesn’t matter. But again, you don’t let your iPhone run on empty. I often use the iPhone example because we all are the phone.

It’s like you don’t let it run on empty just because you’re like, I still need to use it. You know, eventually like I’m gonna have to charge this. And so why are you different with yourself? And it’s that same principle. Actually, the quality increases so much afterwards that it’s worth the time away, let’s say. And it’s so important to anything that you do in your business. You wanna be mindful of both of those things. It’s time and quality, time and energy, not just time.

Chardet Ryel (37:42)
I love it. This is perfect for ending that segment, because I think that that’s like exactly gets it. I’m thinking for us for this last section to go into the success blockers. So I’ll do like a little question around that. And then that could be at the beginning of the episode. And then we’ll go into that and naturally into your quiz if that makes if that works.

Charlotte (37:42)
you

Okay.

Yeah, of course. Sir.

Chardet Ryel (38:07)
So

we’ve talked so far about some of the different ways we see success and failure and also kind of how we operate in our business that might not be giving us the most energy, giving us the most like vitality and creativity. And I know you talk a lot about the success blockers, you the things that are getting in your way that are stopping you. If you want to share a little bit more about that because

I don’t think a lot of us know or even know what questions to ask to know what those are in our lives.

Charlotte (38:45)
I think that I’m just going to maybe say for anyone who’s not like I heard me say a success locker, it’s just a different way of thinking about self-sabotage really, because that is what happens, right? When we get in our own ways. And I think that we, it’s often more comfortable to not look there.

which is also why we, think, do it, right? We can get all like, I don’t know, obsessed about details that aren’t related to whether I might be avoiding a certain task or whether I might not want to show up in a certain way and all those things. And so I think it’s another thing where naturally we are very much on the surface level and we’ve been taught that way. And this success blocker or what I speak to there is like, what’s actually holding you back.

is often a layer deeper. And so then we move away from this symptom experience to a what is driving those symptoms, essentially, I would say it’s like literally like diagnosing someone except I’m not a doctor, disclaimer. But like, you know, the symptom might be, like, I just feel like I have no motivation for this, or I have no energy for this, or I keep putting this off, I can never get to it, I’m too busy, there’s all these different, it’s just not there yet, I need to improve it a little bit more.

Chardet Ryel (39:45)
You

Charlotte (40:00)
all these kind of sentences really that I loosely hear here a lot. And they are sort of indicators of these symptoms. But at the base of that is not just a, I have a tendency to procrastinate or have a tendency to just want to refine everything. I have just these high standards. I just want to like make everything perfect. Those are symptoms. And those are just two symptoms that I mentioned, but those are symptoms. And what’s behind that is often a belief system is often an emotional regulation system that’s not working quite well.

is often, you know, fears that are driving that. And so that’s kind of what I mean in terms of like, let’s take that a little deeper with success blockers versus just saying like, you procrastinate, here’s the five minute rule for procrastination. I don’t know if people have like, if it’s just my world, but like, I swear it’s good. And it works like there’s a point to be made for the five minute rule, by the way. But it’s just like, it’s putting a plaster on it versus saying, hang on, what’s actually driving this.

And let’s address that because when we address that route, you actually end up solving a lot more of the symptoms all at once.

Chardet Ryel (41:06)
It’s not as sexy though, so.

Charlotte (41:09)
No, that’s absolutely not sexy.

And it requires you to have the hard and difficult conversations with yourself and like, you know, to hold that mirror up to yourself and be like, what am I really doing here? And it’s confronting genuinely. I acknowledge that and I see that and that’s I have so much like utmost respect for people who are willing to show up and do this work. And also I know that on the other side of that, right, like it’s often like, again, things that are challenging things that are like, you know, out of my comfort zone are also often the most rewarding.

Chardet Ryel (41:14)
Yeah.

Charlotte (41:39)
So I know that on the other side of that, don’t want to do this. And it’s just challenging and confronting and unsexy. There’s so much more that the reward is so much, the payoff is multifold. And so that’s why I keep harping on about it because you can tell me all about like, I just don’t get to these tasks and, you know, have five different symptoms. And I’m like, well, if we solve this one thing, those other things will naturally dissolve with it.

Chardet Ryel (42:05)
It’s interesting to think about that because it’s almost like you can do the little hack of procrastination so that today you don’t procrastinate or you can learn what’s stopping you so that when it comes up again, it feels more natural to just keep going. It’s I mean, procrastination, that could be a whole nother episode. So I won’t be going into that. But I do feel like what you’re saying, it’s

Charlotte (42:25)
Hahaha

Chardet Ryel (42:30)
It’s kind of so much, this is what we talking about a little bit earlier too about how much ego comes into it because it feels much better for me to tell you that I’m a perfectionist and I have very high quality standards. And that’s why I haven’t launched my service or my product versus for me to say like, I’m so afraid this is going to fail. I don’t know what to do. I’m stressed. So I don’t have the emotional regulation to work on this. That doesn’t sound good to tell you.

Charlotte (42:47)
Start.

Chardet Ryel (42:57)
as someone who’s asking about my business or who’s my family or my friend. And I think you’re right, we hide behind those things because they also give us almost like a validation shield from the rest of the world.

Charlotte (43:14)
Absolutely, 100%. And again, we’re also taught in those ways and without diving into that too much now, like I often say, perfectionism is kind of the Trojan horse of self-sabotage because it masks so much as like, oh, I have these really high standards and you know, like, just like, do really great work. And so I’m just a perfectionist. But the…

The truth is that in many cases, and again, this isn’t to say you can’t have high standards. This is where I actually think this is quite funny. I see this on my Instagram a lot, right? Whenever I post about perfectionism, the amount of people that get upset with me that are like, it’s okay to have high standards, like what will become of the world when we lose our standards? And it’s not the same. Perfectionism and high standards are not the same. And it is so, so, so important to distinguish that because what perfectionism often does is it paralyzes me.

It keeps me going in these endless loops of refinement, refinement, refinement of details that nobody else would ever notice. Right? Or it even like completely like blocks me from doing anything and it leads me to procrastinate because deep down I feel like I can’t do it perfectly anyway. And so I might not even like, might as well try. That’s perfectionism. High standards can be, I’m going to put my work out there and I’m going to keep a really close eye on.

you know, what the feedback is or what people think of it and what I can incorporate and I’m going to improve it and iterate and iterate and iterate and keep improving it from there. And that’s the way I reach the high standards. And that’s often how the solutions are made because, know, I can sit on any solution, whether it’s my website or a new offer I’m putting together, or even if I was, you know, I don’t know, creating a product of some sorts, could physically, I could sit on that solution and refine and refine and refine it forever.

and then still find that nobody wants it and nobody needs it. And it’s actually not solving a problem for anyone. And so then what? know, like then, yeah, I have a really high standard, but the high standard didn’t correlate with what is actually helpful for someone. And so that is right. again, like by and large, what we do as entrepreneurs is we offer solutions to people’s problems. That is what we’re doing. That is what we’re in the business of by and large. And so this idea that like, I’m not just going to do this perfectly in isolation.

doesn’t work. It doesn’t work in corporate either, but like it definitely doesn’t work here. And to just be like, I can still have the highest standard, but the highest standard can be met in multiple iterations. I can say, I want to put this to 80 % of my standard, which is probably everybody else is 110 % anyway, if you are a perfectionist, that’s it. And then I can keep iterating and keep improving on it. And that’s how I reached that really, really excellent standard. Yeah.

Chardet Ryel (45:50)
Yeah, this idea

that you can’t even, you actually can’t reach the high standard if you don’t release something first. It’s how, how can you have the highest standard if you haven’t, especially in our world, right? Like you were saying, if you’re solving someone’s problem, you can’t possibly have perfectly hit it nail on the head that first time at that standard, you have to keep refining it. So if that’s an interest, are there any other ones, any other self-sabotaging?

behaviors or success blockers that you talk about that have where we get the language mixed up. So you mentioned high standards and perfectionism. They’re not the same, but that’s like an easy way for us to justify it. Is there anything else like that where we call it something, pretend it’s synonymous or we really believe it, but it’s not, and it kind of holds us to be trapped?

Charlotte (46:34)
Mm-hmm.

I mean I think yes and also probably not as I think that is the the most drastic one I want to say because there’s this glorification of high standards slash perfectionism. There’s probably also a glorification of busyness that I think is actually also can often actually also be self-sabotage because I can keep myself busy but I can actually also use that as a way to keep myself from doing the important things. So I could have

my gosh, I’m like running around, I’m doing all the things and doing all the things, but like the thing I never get to is the thing I need to actually do, you know? And so then there’s a self-sabotage in there. I do also think like imposter syndrome is completely misunderstood, like thinking about I’m a fraud and we talk about it like, you you’re like, again, even the name imposter and syndrome, and it’s like this, like, when really very often it’s an expression of I am stretching and so.

I do not feel competent in this yet and thus I’m afraid to be found out because I’m falling into this false trap of if I don’t have all the answers already I’m doing it wrong. But that’s I think something where it’s by and large often perceived as fraudulent and whatever and really it’s a very natural expression of growth. And then I want to say also overthinking when we call it just being thorough. But that’s a bit more like…

of a subtle distinction because again I’m not advocating for just make any decision without thinking about it twice right like but there is a I think there are quite a few people who are like no I just like to think things through but what they’re really doing is overthinking and stalling which again then is self-sabotage.

Chardet Ryel (48:28)
This is a really subtle one because that’s where what is the line, right? Where you’ve been thorough enough versus you’re veering into overthinking. And it’s different for every decision you’re making, isn’t it? Like some decisions require a little bit more thoroughness. Some require less. Your Canva colors, you know, are not the same as like moving cities. Yeah.

Charlotte (48:40)
Yeah. Of course.

As where you live or whatever. Yeah,

Chardet Ryel (48:54)
But sometimes we

Charlotte (48:54)
exactly. Totally.

Chardet Ryel (48:56)
spend the same amount of time on them. What do you think, and this is kind of where I want to get into, I know you have a resource that helps with this, which is like uncovering what are your success blockers? I know you’ve got a quiz on this. Can you talk a little bit about what that quiz focuses on, how people can access it, and then maybe also like one or two questions that they might ask themselves right now.

if they haven’t already started to identify some of these success blockers.

Charlotte (49:27)
Yeah, I’m super glad you asked. the quiz, it’s honestly, it’s a quick, fun little quiz. It’ll probably take less than two minutes to complete. But it’s yeah, it really, that’s what it does. It kind of says, what is your actual success blocker? Like, let’s find out. And then there’s a series of questions that guides you through that. And you get a really lovely, I really put a lot of work into this. So I say this now, a really like thorough.

results page that will kind of describe what your symptoms are, but then also what the drivers for that will be, what most commonly are and what you can do about it. So that’s really where it helps people and where I get a lot of amazing feedback. So that’s lovely. I think I’ll just share the link with you and then you can pop that in the show notes. And that’s how people can probably best access it. As far as if they’re not so sure, you know, what their success blocker is or anything like that. And if they’ve maybe never even thought about it this way.

It often, I think the most powerful question to ask yourself is what am I afraid of? And that’s a big one. I get it. It’s a big one, but it often is connected to whatever the success blocker will be. then for example, actually my deepest darkest fear is like, what will everybody from high school think about me posting online? It’s actually, you know, I say it, I say it laughingly, but I literally have not met an entrepreneur who can’t relate to this because they’ve met someone who felt that way or felt that way themselves or whatever it was.

And it’s like, okay, so then judgment. I’m fearing judgment from people who I might not even be in touch with anymore, but that is like a core piece for me. And that might show up in, I think that if I make it perfect, then they can’t judge me, or I’m gonna still actually doing it because then they can’t judge me, right? Like, again, that is a core piece. And often when you ask yourself that question, you approach these things, like, what am I actually avoiding here? What am I afraid is going to happen if I do or do not do this? Can already unlock quite a bit of insight when you are willing to be so honest with yourself.

And paying attention to, yeah, where are you going in circles or where you keep refining things? It’s like, what am I afraid of if I release this as just as it is now? Like what’s going to happen with the website? Often it’s like, nobody’s going to like it. I don’t know. And like, then you just improve it. Like, it’s like, it’s deeper than that. It’s like, they’re going to judge and they’re going to think I’m not an expert. And so like, no, they’re not going to take me seriously anymore, et cetera, et cetera. So I think that’s probably a starter question that is quite

powerful if confronting. Don’t give easy questions.

Chardet Ryel (51:52)
This is a good one though, because if I’m delaying on something or I’m struggling with something, I can just say, okay, what is the real fear here? And when you were talking about, don’t remember if it was a psychiatrist or a hypnotist, two different things I know, who was sharing this about how the two deepest, what you had said, one of them, the two deepest fears we have are fear of judgment and fear of lack, like that we lack something.

Charlotte (52:10)
Hehehehehe

Chardet Ryel (52:22)
And I definitely can see how when you’re doing stuff like this, one of those comes up and you have to say, okay, well, what if I just go ahead? You know, what will really, really happen? And most people don’t even realize they’re in their own world, right? They don’t even realize what you’re doing half the time. I post something like 20 times and people have seen it once.

Charlotte (52:44)
100%. Absolutely. And this is again where, you know, spotlight effect, we think everybody’s watching and waiting for us to fail and really they’re all worried about not following themselves. And so

Chardet Ryel (52:50)
for them.

Charlotte (52:55)
That’s very important to remember, but I also feel like often the only way to embody that is by doing it, right? So now you, I don’t know how you felt when you first started posting or whatever, it’d be interesting to discuss if you have the time, but now you’re like, I post something 20 times and people see it like maybe once. Like you have developed this attitude of like, it’s just a post. But the very first time you posted it was perhaps like, let me make sure. And so you have to have that lived experience. And so as annoying as it is to say to people,

Because it feels like they all, even when we do this deeper in a work, they still think that they’re going to reach a point where it’s then going to feel comfortable to do whatever they want to do. And again, whether that’s showing up online for the first time, whether that’s releasing a new offer, whether that’s raising prices, doesn’t matter what it is, it’s still not going to feel comfortable. I’m so sorry, but you’re going to be addressing the real issues versus just the sense, like keeping yourself in this loop of symptoms, right? It’s very much like a…

If I have a headache, I could take a painkiller and then I can make the headache away. But if the reason for the headache is something that is deeper and the headache keeps recurring, I’m going to perform a lot less to whatever standard I want to perform to and my outcomes aren’t going to be worse. But I just keep taking the painkiller to make the headache go away instead of working from the root. And so that is it. That doesn’t mean though that whatever you’re doing is not still going to be uncomfortable because you need to have that lived experience.

Chardet Ryel (54:19)
This is where I feel this is a really important thing you’ve mentioned because I don’t, you’ve been doing this a while. I’ve been doing this a while and I don’t think there’s ever a moment, maybe not even a week where there isn’t something that feels a little uncomfortable in terms of what you’re doing. If you are continuing to try to grow and build and experiment. I don’t, I could say maybe there’s a day, but I definitely don’t think there’s a week.

Charlotte (54:41)
Yeah.

Chardet Ryel (54:48)
where something like this doesn’t come up no matter how many years you have, but it’s what you’re saying where if you recognize it a little bit easier, it doesn’t feel as show-stopping as it did the first time, or when you’re completely blind

and you have no idea why you’re feeling blocked or why you’re sabotaging, why you’re avoiding.

Charlotte (55:09)
Yeah, 100%. And I think that I guess first I want to reiterate that and say like, absolutely, it’s 100 % that way. And I also often like to remind people of like, what you see me doing now is not how I was doing it whenever started. Like, it’s like people go like, and like, literally like scroll all the way down my feed, like, you can see how like, it’s not what I do now is not how I used to do it.

And you can do the same, like you can evolve and that’s beautiful. And again, don’t compare somebody else’s hundredth day to your first or whatever it might be. And the second piece is that I would venture a guess and I’m curious to hear if you agree with this, but what I noticed changes with clients, but also when I observed myself and whenever the theory into it is your level of self-trust, because it, when you first hit a challenge and you don’t know what to do and you’re like, and then you.

have the tools and you address the real causes and whatever you’ve so you find a way to move through it, even if it’s uncomfortable, you come out the other side of that with this, you know, again, we don’t have to make it life changing. But even if we say it’s a 1 % change and how much you trust yourself to figure the next thing out, that is what changes. So it’s not that the challenges go away. It’s not that the discomfort goes away. It’s not that we’re never afraid. You and I, I mean, now or anyone else who’s even further along or whatever it is, it is that

We have built through experience and through doing the thing and addressing the real causes and right enough self trust to be like, I can handle that. Even if it challenges me and it’s uncomfortable and all those things, I can come out the other side. And again, that’s where it’s like this embodiment, this lived experience. As much as you can think about self trust and start reworking self trust in these small ways in your everyday life as well. That is the key pillar that in my experience changes.

because it’s never the outside that changes, it’s just how you handle the outside.

Chardet Ryel (57:04)
I didn’t have the word for it when I was thinking of it, but it’s definitely what you said that the feeling of I can get through this instead of the shock of what the heck is happening, what am I going to do? It definitely is that and each time a little bit more, which is why you have to keep going, keep refining because otherwise you don’t build that self-trust because you just abandon.

Charlotte (57:15)
Mm-hmm.

Chardet Ryel (57:32)
and start something new and I’ve been it, I’ve done it, which is why I say it, but I think the self trust in everything, like even in wellness, I noticed this too, where you just start to really trust your body, you trust your decisions and everything flows so much easier.

Charlotte (57:40)
Mm.

I agree and I think that’s a good point that you’re making now with wellness too where maybe people can relate to it a bit more where I think hopefully more people have had the lived experience of let’s say I used to be someone who didn’t like working out or I didn’t work out or whatever it is and then I moved through this uncomfortable phase

where I hold myself to it and I do it and I get accountability buddies and I do all the things, whatever, I make it enjoyable. Again, there’s so many things I could do about getting myself to a point where I do it. And then eventually I can quote unquote fall off the wagon and I can skip a few weeks because I’m on holiday or whatever, because I don’t doubt that I’m gonna, like I have this level of like, I understand that I am now a person who does this consistently, whether or not I do it perfectly for the next few weeks or not. I trust.

and I have built this identity around, am a person who works out. And those things go together and, you know, as much as, this is so interesting, I wish we had more time. Because like, then we can talk about like identity work, which is such a big piece. Again, I mentioned earlier, right, like that these blockers are often driven by a belief system and a thought system that have a lot to do with who I, like if I say over and over and over again to myself or others, I am a perfectionist.

I’m driving that home, I’m identifying with that, right? And so I can start working at an identity level of like, how else can I perceive myself? And that can inform my action as well. And those things can kind of come and meet the lived experience, self-trust, I can figure this out ability, as well as the, I guess, more fast track, let’s work on your belief system, your thoughts, let’s shift those because they’re gonna come into that and that’s what’s gonna create the change for you.

Chardet Ryel (59:34)
This is where if you want to know more, I’m going to say it now because you’re right, like we don’t have more time, but we know that there is, especially the identity piece. I know that you talk so much more about it. So I am going to leave resources for people to find you. So I will, I’ll actually record that separately, like every place that they can find you. but I’ll say for now that if people want to know more about, especially this identity piece, which really holds so much of this together.

Charlotte (59:39)
Hahaha!

Chardet Ryel (1:00:04)
to connect with you. And I wanna thank you so much for sharing and being such an incredible guest to give really freely the stuff that you’re also sharing with clients. Giving these action plans, giving these strategies, it says so much about the work that you do and how much you believe in it that you do that. So thank you. And every time I speak to you, I mean, this is twice, but it feels like the 10th time, I’m energized.

Charlotte (1:00:06)
Please.

Chardet Ryel (1:00:33)
So thank you so much.

Charlotte (1:00:33)
Yay, I’m so glad. I’m so glad. Yeah, I appreciate that. And when people do reach out, always love like when they say, my gosh, I listened to this. And this is what connected or just like, I’m a person. And like, I feel like sometimes people when they like see a large following or something, they forget that. like, I love people stuff, like, just connect. Quite normally, I would love that. And I’m so glad that you

are energized and that you’ve taken something from this conversation. think that there’s so much in the realm of, let’s call it mental mastery by and large, that, you know, it’s so big. And so I never hold back on sharing whatever I can in that whole hour that we’ve given or the time that we’re given.

because there’s more and I’m not afraid of it ever running out. So I don’t want to gatekeep anything. I want to share as much as I can for free, which is also what I do on Instagram, just to help people out to start approaching problems more from this direction, because I think it’s going to pay off tenfold when they do.

Chardet Ryel (1:01:36)
So Charlotte, I’m going to stop the recording now, but I want to ask you first if there’s, I don’t think there’s probably anything you want to take out. There was no, there’s nothing like you spoke pretty clearly. I didn’t see any issues, but I always ask.

Charlotte (1:01:40)
Yeah.

Nothing that I remember honestly, if there’s like obviously I don’t know if you guys do fillers and whatever like take the the arms out if you want to but no I don’t remember anything content wise that I would like want to redact. no. All good.

Chardet Ryel (1:02:05)
I’m gonna stop the recording now. So what I’m gonna do is I want to just