How to Be a Leader | Leadership Skills for Entrepreneurs and Small Business Owners
If managing people in your business feels heavier than you expected, you’re not failing — you’re just touching a part of entrepreneurship no one prepares you for.
Leadership.
And not the “CEO mindset” kind.
The real kind.
The kind that shows up in emails, conflict, missed expectations, emotional reactions, and the quiet resentment that builds when working with people starts to feel like the hardest part of your business.
Most entrepreneurs don’t set out to become leaders. They set out to build freedom, creativity, impact, or income. Leadership sneaks in sideways — through clients, freelancers, collaborators, vendors, and eventually teams.
And suddenly you’re Googling things like:
- Why is managing people so exhausting?
- Why do the same issues keep repeating with different people?
- Why does one email ruin my entire nervous system?
TIMESTAMPS
00:01 — How to Be a Leader by Bringing Awareness to Communication and Conflict
02:34 — Leadership Skills Begin With How You Lead Yourself
05:56 — How to Manage a Team Through Conflict Instead of Avoiding It
10:55 — Team Management Breakdowns: Why Listening, Empathy, and Language Collapse Under Stress
17:33 — Leadership Skills That Improve Retention With Clients, Freelancers, and Teams
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Stop Burnout as a Solopreneur
RESOURCES
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MORE ABOUT THIS BUSINESS PODCAST EPISODE
“The real purpose of communication is not to change people — it’s to understand them.” – Jody Urquhart
Connect with Jody Urquart
Website: https://idoinspire.com/
Instagram:@jody_urquhart
- How to be a leader starts with you, not fixing everyone else
- How to manage a team without projecting your old patterns
- Leadership skills that make everything from emails to hiring easier
Why Leadership Skills Matter More Than You Think (Especially for Entrepreneurs)
Leadership skills aren’t about authority or hierarchy.
They’re about energy, clarity, communication, and retention.
If you’re a small business owner, leadership shows up every time you:
- Give feedback
- Set expectations
- Address conflict
- Feel triggered but still need to respond
- Decide whether to keep or cut a working relationship
In other words, how to be a leader determines whether your business feels supportive — or constantly draining.
This is exactly what we unpacked in my conversation with Jody Urquhart, a former stand-up comedian turned leadership and communication expert with over 25 years of experience.
Her work focuses on something most leadership conversations skip entirely:
the human nervous system under stress.
Leadership Skills Start With How You Lead Yourself
One of the most powerful reframes from this episode is deceptively simple:
The way you lead yourself is the same way you lead others.
If you’re hard on yourself, you’ll be hard on your team.
If you’re self-critical, you’ll be critical under pressure.
If you avoid your own discomfort, you’ll avoid necessary conversations.
These aren’t personality flaws. They’re patterned stress responses — learned behaviors that repeat automatically unless we notice them.
Listening, communication, conflict, perfectionism, procrastination — these are all leadership skills and emotional patterns.
And most entrepreneurs never realize they’re running on autopilot.
The Hidden Reason Team Management Feels So Triggering
Here’s the part that makes most people exhale with relief:
When you’re stressed, three things collapse instantly:
- Listening
- Empathy
- Language
That means:
- You stop actually hearing people
- You lose perspective
- Your words become blunt, absolute, or reactive
This is why team management issues escalate so quickly.
It’s not that people are “difficult.”
It’s that stress hijacks the very skills leadership requires.
This applies whether you’re managing:
- A VA
- A freelancer
- A contractor
- A client
- Or your first hire
Stress makes us scan for confirmation (“See? They never listen.”) instead of understanding. And when understanding disappears, conflict fills the gap.
How to Manage a Team Without Avoiding Conflict
One of the most counterintuitive leadership skills discussed in this episode is this:
You don’t feel better before addressing conflict — you feel better after.
Waiting to calm down, feel motivated, or get clarity before having a hard conversation rarely works. Avoidance just teaches the nervous system that conflict is dangerous.
Effective team management means:
- Taking action even while uncomfortable
- Naming what’s happening instead of narrating stories about it
- Seeking understanding rather than agreement
This is where communication shifts from defensive to productive.
“Name It to Tame It”: A Practical Leadership Skill You Can Use Immediately
You don’t need to be a therapist to lead well.
One of the simplest and most effective leadership skills is learning to name your internal reaction without acting from it.
Examples:
- I’m judging this person as lazy.
- I’m assuming they don’t care.
- I’m feeling defensive right now.
Naming it creates space.
Space creates choice.
Choice is leadership.
From there, communication becomes clearer:
- Using “I” instead of “you”
- Asking specific questions
- Focusing on behaviors, not character
- Getting expectations in writing
This is how how to manage a team becomes less emotional and more grounded.
Team Management, Retention, and Why This Actually Affects Your Revenue
Leadership isn’t just personal development.
It’s operational.
Strong leadership skills improve:
- Retention
- Trust
- Follow-through
- Long-term working relationships
When people feel seen and understood, they stay longer.
When expectations are clear, work improves.
When communication is calm, energy is conserved.
For entrepreneurs, this means:
- Less rehiring
- Fewer emotional spirals
- More sustainable growth
Leadership isn’t about controlling people — it’s about creating conditions where work can actually flow.
How to Be a Leader Without Becoming Someone Else
The most important takeaway from this conversation is this:
You don’t need to become tougher, louder, or more “boss-like” to lead well.
You need presence.
Awareness.
Honesty.
And compassion — especially for yourself.
Leadership skills grow when you stop trying to fix people and start noticing how you show up under pressure.
That’s where real change happens.
Final Thoughts for Entrepreneurs
If your business has grown but managing people hasn’t gotten easier, this isn’t a personal failure — it’s a leadership invitation.
Not to add more responsibility.
But to create more ease.
Because a business that relies on you holding everything together will eventually cost you more than it gives.
And leadership, when done well, does the opposite.
Frequently Asked Questions
How to be a leader as a small business owner?
To be a leader as a small business owner, focus on self-awareness, communication, and clarity under pressure. Leadership starts with noticing how you respond to stress, how you handle conflict, and how clearly you set expectations with clients, freelancers, and team members.
What leadership skills do entrepreneurs need most?
The most important leadership skills for entrepreneurs include active listening, emotional regulation, conflict resolution, clear communication, and expectation-setting. These skills help business owners manage people without burnout and build long-term working relationships.
How do I manage a team without micromanaging?
To manage a team without micromanaging, define clear outcomes, timelines, and deliverables from the beginning. Focus feedback on specific actions rather than personality, ask clarifying questions, and document expectations so your team can work with autonomy and confidence.
Why does team management feel so stressful for entrepreneurs?
Team management feels stressful because pressure reduces our ability to listen, empathize, and communicate clearly. When stress takes over, misunderstandings increase. Developing leadership skills helps entrepreneurs respond with clarity instead of reactivity, making team management feel lighter.
How can I handle conflict at work as a leader?
To handle conflict as a leader, address issues early and directly, even if you feel uncomfortable. Use “I” statements, aim to understand the other person’s perspective, and focus on behaviors rather than character. Clear communication prevents repeated conflict.
What leadership skills improve retention with clients and teams?
Leadership skills that improve retention include making people feel heard, setting realistic expectations, communicating calmly under pressure, and creating clarity around roles and responsibilities. When people feel respected and understood, they are more likely to stay and do their best work.
TRANSCRIPT OF PODCAST WITH JODY URQUHART
Chardét Ryel (00:01)
How do we lead? How do we communicate? How do you handle conflict? All of these things are stuff we’re not taught. It’s stuff that, you know, to be honest, we bring a lot of our baggage from our own normal lives into our businesses, and that can really hold us back. But if you are aware of it, if you’re mindful, you’re present, and you know how to go head on through this, you can really create a workplace, a brand, a company.
that is amazing to work for and with, and that includes for your customers. And that’s why this is such an important conversation. I’m speaking to Jodi Urquhart. She has been a public speaker, keynote speaker for more than 25 years. She started as a comedian, so I love that aspect of it too. And then she’s gone through and really talked about how do we bring the human back into business.
back into the workplace. And that is what you’re going to find here, real ways for managing communication, conflict, and just really understanding how you show up in your business in ways that you might not have thought of before. I’ll see you inside.
Welcome to her first three years from breakdowns to blunders, learn what worked and what didn’t. I’m your host, Sade, and whether you’re a new entrepreneur or you’re just starting something new, this is your space to learn and feel a little less alone.
Jody Urquhart (01:38)
started doing stand-up comedy because I figured if people, if I can get people laughing, then they’ll be in the room with me, which is, you know, a lot better than me just talking to myself up there and people being bored. So I use comedy in motivational speeches that I give about leadership and I weave it around soft skills. We’re forgetting the human part of the work. We’re so focused on the task, like we’re mechanical machine-like. And so those are the things that through comedy,
I would make light of. In the beginning, was almost all comedy. Making fun of basically work.
Chardét Ryel (02:14)
What about the comedy makes it more digestible for people? Because you know, some things can be very triggering or we have our idea about how you should be in the workplace and certain things. What kind of truths or things do you feel are more possible to dive into and to talk about?
Jody Urquhart (02:34)
way you lead yourself, it’s the same way that you lead others. So if you’re hard on yourself, you will naturally be hard on other people. If you’re self-critical, you are naturally going to be critical with people around you. And now these are actually patterned responses. So they are something that we do over and over and over again without even realizing it’s happening.
Often what we’re doing is just reflecting our own challenges onto other people. If I’m not a good listener, I would run around telling people, you guys change, you listen, so that I don’t have to change. Because it’s so tough for us to see ourselves. It’s so hard to go, my gosh, I am such a bad listener. Like I just, I didn’t even hear what you just said. I was off in my mind thinking about how I can be clever and say something next.
instead of actually being present with the person. And that is a trained pattern response. So that’s just one, listening is a soft skill, communication is a soft skill. How we deal with conflict, do you avoid it? Do you hide from it? Or do you hit it straight on, but actually you just like a bull in a china shop? How do you handle it? ⁓ Are you a perfectionist? I mean, there’s
There’s many different patterns and mostly what’s getting in our way is the patterns.
Chardét Ryel (04:07)
The not seeing yourself piece and how you bring that into your work is especially interesting because we like to think that who I am in my off work, off job, off business is totally different from how I am when I come into work because I can have that right. Like I enter that office or I sign on to Zoom and I am a different person.
But I it’s interesting what you said where it’s not true, right? Like you are bringing in some of your patterns, your wounds, whatever you’ve got. And that is reflective in how you’re dealing with clients, customers, partners, and your team.
Jody Urquhart (04:50)
That’s right. Unless you’re incredibly self-aware, then you won’t realize those patterns. It’s like a friend of mine, she’s had four husbands. And I said to her, what was wrong with all those men? Because who’s the common denominator? You can hire someone, and I’ve done this. I mean, I tremendous compassion for people, because I’ve experienced it myself. But you can hire someone.
and then let them go, because you know what, they’re just not working out. Then you hire someone, and then you hire someone, and then you hire, who’s causing this actually?
Chardét Ryel (05:23)
Yeah, we’re in the communication piece, which I think you started to touch on that I think would be amazing to bring in more on this because part of that is like, how are you communicating or even a separate area, but related you said, how are you coming into conflict when there’s an issue? How are you responding to that? I think is a really interesting thing because how do we even, how do we become self-aware of this?
You know, I feel like when you’re in the conflict, you don’t even know because you’re just running on emotions.
Jody Urquhart (05:56)
Right. So we could talk perfectionism, conflict, procrastination. These are all patterned responses, right? Yeah. Now conflict I see addressed a lot on the internet. And honestly, if I want to get likes or viral things, not that I ever really go viral, but even just more likes or views, I just talk about conflict in a way that it’s the other person’s fault. They want to hear. Like…
It was all you, not me, okay? When people talk about narcissists, it’s all a narcissist’s problem. I can’t believe what they, you know, and here’s what I need to do to handle them. But there’s a part of it is we cannot change people. it just, we know it’s true, but we’ll always keep trying, but you cannot really change people. And so in all communication, the real purpose of it is not to try to agree with people.
or to try to change them, but it is to try to understand them. You don’t have to agree with them. I see the world the way I am. You see the world the way you are. And just like the smallest amount of feeling seen and heard, it will improve their productivity in a longer scope because in most areas in life, they’re not being seen, they’re not being heard. So if we’re gonna tackle a conflict, I wanna just start with that. ⁓ I used to think…
I’ll address conflict when I feel better. So if you and I are in an argument, this is not the time for me to address conflict because I need to calm down. But what the research shows, and this is true about all motivation, is you don’t feel better until after you take action, not before. So you take the action and then you feel better. So don’t rely on motivation. I’ll feel motivated and then I’m going to address that difficult person. It’s not going to happen. It’s kind of like thinking,
I’m going to wait until I feel less hungry before I eat a meal. So when it comes to conflict, take action, even if you’re triggered, take a deep breath, and then you want to try to talk through how you feel and try to understand the other person. The biggest part of our conflict is understanding where the other person is coming from. Because all it is, is I feel like I’m right, you feel like you’re right, and we’re not hearing each other. Relate to where they come from.
Now, when it comes to conflict, there’s a very good reason that people are difficult. It’s because they get away with it and they get a lot out of it. The studies actually show that difficult people get to work with better people. They get the better shifts and they get to do the better jobs. So if you’re difficult, you’re getting a lot out of being difficult. And the reason it’s happening is because we’re letting it happen. We just avoid it.
I’ll wait till I feel better and then I’ll address the conflict and then you forget and it doesn’t happen, right? So we have to address conflict in difficult people in the moment.
Chardét Ryel (08:53)
Can I ask you, because this brings up a really interesting point here. I’m just thinking about that there could be difficult people on listeners teams. There could also be difficult vendors, ⁓ freelancers, partners that they have. What do you think about in terms of how you handle those people taking into account that they could be poisoning your work culture or your day? At what point do you say, I’m going to cut this off?
This is not worth me doing, having this contract, because they’re not necessarily, they’re not part of your team, right? They’re not an employee, they’re not a full-time person. Or do you just try to get through it?
Jody Urquhart (09:34)
We create our own limits. So they’re difficult. They’re difficult with other people too. So when it comes to stress, it’s not the circumstances that create stress. It’s our response to it. So if someone is difficult, how do you respond to that difficult person? Under pressure, our brain gets loud and it gets messy and we tend to make stuff up. The stories aren’t true, but we believe them. So it’s not being stuck in traffic that creates ⁓
your stress, it’s the story about being late. That email isn’t stressing you out, it’s your interpretation of it. So figure out what really bothers you, because that’s your stress response, that’s your autopilot, and it’s a repetitive routine thing. So those same patterns are going to show up in another relationship with another vendor, another client. Why not sort that out?
Chardét Ryel (10:28)
Yeah, or just I think to the point of if people are listening like counting down the days till the contract is up. think also taking that time like you’re saying to really understand back to what you said in the beginning of where are you in this dynamic? Because it’s not just the one person, there’s something that you are responding or not responding as well that could be feeding it or etc.
Jody Urquhart (10:55)
Yeah. So let’s get to the how-to’s then. Let’s see, when it comes to communication, remember that it’s about hearing them, not trying to be right. I drop all my preconceived notions. Do I have a confirmation bias? You’re a bad listener. Because if I believe that, I can’t hear what you’re saying. What sort of confirmation bias do I have? And the way I like to say it is, what’s worked for me, name it to tame it.
Chardét Ryel (10:58)
Yes, we are ready.
Jody Urquhart (11:25)
You don’t have to be a psychologist, therapist, just name it. Oh, look, I’m judging this person because they’re not getting to the point. I’m judging this person because they don’t listen or they’re lazy or they don’t deliver. So just put that aside. You name it and all you have to do is name it. It’s kind of on the shelf now, right? Okay. And then now we’re ready to listen to the person. We don’t have to agree with them. Don’t try to agree with them. All we’re trying to do is understand them.
Unless I understand you, we’re not actually communicating. Okay, so use the words I, not you. So I felt really misunderstood the other day because I thought that we had already covered this and I’d sent it. What would you like from me? So where can I find some depth here? And asking some very specific questions. And the way I would find what those questions are is,
Put yourself in their shoes. Okay, you get this message from me. What does it mean? How would I take that? How would I feel? God, I would feel defensive. I would feel like you were pointing fingers at me. So then you ask very, very specific questions and don’t talk about a person’s character. Don’t talk about their character. Talk about specific actions and behaviors. You asked me to focus on this.
And that’s what I thought that I was doing. I think I’m hearing that you’re disappointed that you want me to focus on this. I just want to be clear. What should we be focusing on now? And the more clear you can be, the better. What are the specific deliverables we’re looking for? And then again, if you can get it on paper, it’s helpful, then you can go back and refer to it.
Because what’s actually going on in all of this is the emotion, the defensiveness is getting away in the way of the message. We’re missing the depth of what’s really happening.
Chardét Ryel (13:24)
It’s
bringing it back to like you said that there are two people in this conversation and I understand my standpoint because it’s me, right? Like I know what my truth is and everything I believe, et cetera. But until I put myself in their position, I think even when you were saying this, it made me think not only about conflict, but also about when you’re starting out a relationship with a partner, a client, an employee.
and how you articulate what you expect.
Jody Urquhart (13:57)
Right?
That’s right. What’s your expectation with a relationship? And a lot of times when we talk expectation, it’s a to-do list. What happens under pressure is three things actually shrink instantaneously. It’s listening, empathy, and language. And these all shrink at the same time. So meaning when I’m in my stress cycle, which by the way, we’re there like
anywhere from 47 to 80 % of the time. Yeah, and that means I can’t hear you. I get defensive and I can’t hear what you have to say. I can’t speak, the words don’t come to me. And also I don’t have empathy. So listening collapses, meaning we tend to scan for confirmation of what we already know to be true. You’re a procrastinator, for instance, okay? So I would scan what you’re saying to go, here’s another excuse. And so now I’m not hearing you.
So that happened, and by the way, this is all normal and natural. you know, I don’t want people to think I’m calling you the problem. I’m actually telling you, you’re the solution. Because this is happening for everybody. It is a natural stress response. We are built this way, but we’re better than this. It’s just patterns and routines. All you have to do is see it in yourself and you go, ⁓ you know what? This does not work for me. I’m not going to do this anymore. I don’t want to my life like this. I don’t want to run around not listening to people and…
thinking I’m better than other people or letting difficult people bullnose me through life. No, I’m done. I’m not doing this anymore. So listening collapses, empathy also collapses. We tend to see people as tasks, roles, obligations, instead of the human in front of you, putting yourself in their shoes, understanding what they’re going through. If we’re talking to a lot of ambitious people on this call,
You have a lot of autopilot in you. It’s the way the work world works and it’s okay. But your true potential and your power and productivity in relating to people is not autopilot. It’s when you’re present in the moment and you realize, okay, I’m not going to go into autopilot right now. So I don’t need to unlearn all those things. I can just be present. I don’t need to go in and figure out how I’m a perfectionist and how I did this to that and how I need to…
I can just be present. And through time, those patterns start to change on their own. To me, that’s the easier way. Empathy and then finally language. What happens when we’re stressed is language also collapses and we tend to skip nuances. That there was traffic and it was completely unavoidable that I’m late. I would have had to leave three hours early to skip the traffic. Like I’m gonna skip all that. I won’t see the nuances, the circumstances, the shipping schedule.
that suppliers are all down, that interest rates went up, I’m gonna skip all of it. And instead, I’m just going to, I’ll speak in absolutes, always and ever. You always do it wrong, you never listen. So all three of these things, listening, empathy and language, are collapsing all at once when we’re stressed out. Everybody experiences them. So to me, this is a massive opportunity for anybody, because everybody else there,
mostly anybody, 90 % or more people aren’t doing this. We’re not relating to each other. Instead, we’re just getting defensive, reacting. So we have a massive opportunity. Just be one leader, one leader who actually hears people.
Chardét Ryel (17:33)
When you went through this now, the word that kept popping up in my mind was retention. It’s not just about you understanding this so that in these stressful situations, you can make it your life easier. If you’re working with someone, wouldn’t it be nice even if it’s a temporary freelancer, if you could use the same person for a few years instead of trying to find a new person every couple months? Wouldn’t it be nice even for your clients and your customers?
if they come back because they had such a great experience of you seeing them and understanding how to operate in a stressful situation that you will inevitably each have during that time together if you’re working any more than a month. So the retention piece is amazing. I think that we forget about the people already in our ecosystem and we always think about acquiring new and it’s just the same problem repeated. So second to last question for you here would be,
What do you think is the way that we can start? And this might be a really big question that there’s no easy answer for, but where we can start to become more aware.
Jody Urquhart (18:43)
First of all, have compassion for yourself. Again, it’s a normal natural stress response. If you’re going to be hard on yourself about it, it’s not, it won’t be easy for you. You’ll just beat yourself up. Name a detainment. There’s that. You know, for me, it all starts to fall apart together all at once with mindfulness. As long as you’re present, you’re really listening to someone and you’re kind of getting, wait, I’ve got a confirmation bias here.
then you’re starting to realize, you know, I haven’t actually heard them. I think we’ve spent a lot of time in the work world trying to be productive and effective and do all these things that we’ve lost touch with that emotional side. You know what I would do is just try to understand people. Listen, I want to really hear you. I’m going to put aside all my judgments and doubts.
Because you know, for me, the first thing I would know, because I do a lot, I’m in the same boat. I do speeches and then I’m done with that client. And then I hire different freelancers. I have run through a whole bunch of freelancers firing them because they’re not living up to my obligations of them. And it’s just like I’d end up with the same problem over. So what I would notice is first of all, we are in a very fast-paced world.
where I can just go on Fiverr and hire someone else, let’s face it. So off with your head. You are not living up to my potential of you, so I’m just gonna go find someone else. And that would be, and right there, the minute I go to Fiverr, I go, stop, what are you doing? Are you gonna do this again? Bring another poor soul into this, where you’re not actually.
Properly telling them what you expect from them. So how can they deliver? So number one, what do I really want from someone what’s realistic to expect don’t make it up make it factual no stories Ask them very clearly. Can you is this something you can deliver? Is this reasonable and What will this look like in the end? Like what can I expect so that before we even get started? We’re on the same page here
I could even say, you know what, here’s what happened last time. I’m going to be honest with you. I’ve had two other vendors try this and it just has not been what I was looking for. So clearly I’m not really clear on what I’m looking for. Maybe you can help me with that and help me be realistic. Maybe this is two projects, not one. So that we’re more clear right up front. What’s really…
the thing that I’m looking for. And then now what can I expect? What are timelines? What are deadlines? And now I feel a lot more less uncertainty, a lot more safe with this person because I feel like we’ve both agreed to something where we can both commit.
Chardét Ryel (21:46)
I really appreciate you mentioning this because I think there’s going to be many people listening in the same exact scenarios of having people help on the editing front or with contract work or whatever it is and realizing that it is easy to find someone again, but then there’s still the piece of, what are you not both understanding or what do you not understand about the process as well? I’ve found in the past where
I wanted something, but I didn’t actually understand the process behind why that something was so challenging because I never asked. And then you think you’re being cheated or someone’s being difficult. And so there’s so many topics that you go into around the human part here, which is what we’re saying of human in the workplace. We’re moving towards a world of AI, which makes it even more important. Can you, as a final thing here, just share where can people learn more?
Jody Urquhart (22:43)
Sure, I do have a book, it’s called Bliss Out. Yeah, it’s on Amazon and Barnes and Noble, cetera. Instagram might be how we connect it. So I do post a video, pretty much, well, it’s either a video or a text post every day. So yeah, a lot of these concepts I’ll say over and over again, just because I know you have to hear it a lot. Simple things, reminders, they help a lot.
Chardét Ryel (23:08)
The Instagram that you have in particular is really good. We’ll have links to that in the show notes because you really do break down a single thing and make it so someone just asks the question of, am I doing this? Thank you for being here and thank you for distilling this conversation. I realize this is a massive, this is 10 keynotes you could be doing right now, so thank you. Thank you so much for listening.
Please share this with the other leaders, entrepreneurs, creatives, and I will see you in the next one. Your story is your SEO. It is as powerful as those words people are searching for. Go to the Her First Three Years website or go to my Instagram, Sharderoyale. Both of those links are in the show notes and get the private podcast series, How to Stand Out Online.
You will listen to that series. You will probably binge it and you will find your way. Thank you so much for listening. Share this with someone who needs it. If you enjoyed it, please leave a review. Share this energy. You know, it’s all about spreading, receiving. If you feel like it’s made a difference, made you think, please, please, please share your thoughts.
